we're living in a mall, man

We are now in Burmingham Alabama...staying in a hotel in the mall! Very convienient...need to shop? no problem just walk out the door and down the hall andyou are in Mall Land! Complete with aMerry-go-Round....I don't ride them because they make me dizzy if fact I don't like any of those Disney type rides. If I want to get dizzy ...welll I know a way that is much more ...interesting. We play two shows tonight at the Stardome Theatre...a beautiful dinner theatre right near the Mall! Oh boy! The shows are really getting interesting because we are working so much the material and bits are getting sharper and funnier. Shelby especially. She is a real comic now becauuse she is always threatening to "quit'. Yeah right! You can't quit comedy! Too much fun! AlthoughCheech quit. I guess he is pursuing a career in singing! Duets with Don Johnson! Don Johnson can sing or at least he used to could sing! or maybe Geraldo and Cheech will do the two Amigos! Well I told him he can come back and be Cheech and Chong as long as he is willing to wear the tutu......tc

Back from San Francisco

Hey man we just finished San Francisco's Cobbs ComedyTheater. Did six shows and had a blast! San Franciscois a wonder all its own. There is no place on Earthlike it. No wonder the Haight Hippies are a touristdestination. The Modern Art Museum is the best placeto wander around when properly buzzed. And one doesget buzzed in that town. I did a book signing at theBarns and Nobel in Union Square. Another fantasticevent...except people brought me Tommy Chong RollingPapers to sign. Which I did however I need to find outwho is manufacturing the papers asap. Remember I didnine months in jail for bongs and I have a felonyconviction because of it so the Chong rolling papersare not cool. Please stop who ever you are before youget into trouble. If any of you readers know who isbehind these papers please let me know. The politicalclimate is not yet ready to accept our culture. ThePot Police are looking for an excuse to mess with usso lets get the medical marijuana in place on theFederal level before we relax. We are beginning to seethe light at the end of the Bush tunnel .but westill have a ways to go. Wow it looks like Dich Chaneymight be the first to be impeached...yea!....tc

Back From Alberta

Hey Dudes and dudettes, We just returned from Edmonton
Alberta Canada. Talk about opposite ends of the
Universe. Bali...hot and death penalty drug laws to
Edmonton, cold and almost legal pot laws! Edmonton
looks like Amsterdam of the North. We played to five
sold out shows and I would say 93% were stoners! It
may be 40 below but the weed factor was mellow and
plentiful! And B.C. bud strong!
The theme in Edmonton and Air Canada is Jazz! As in
John Coletrane! I was born in Edmonton and believe me
I could move there and live very well in a heart beat!
The shows were fantastic! I explored areas that I had
never been before something that can only be done with
people who love you. I didn't want to leave...Shelby
kicked major comedy ass as well! Tonight we play at
Cobbs Comedy Theatre in Saqn Francisco! The club is
located in a very hip area of San Francisco. This will
be our first appearance there so wish us well....tc

dope laws

After spending almost a month in a country where drug
offences are punished severly with long prison terms
and in some cases the death penalty, I finally
realized the reasoning behind this insane reality.
Corruption and greed mixed with proverty and a
military dictaorship is the main reason. Third world
countries have entire populations living in proverty
mainly because of goverment corruption. People who are
in position to collect taxes live very well where as
the people who pay the taxes are usually struggling to
stay in business and therefore take it out on
employees who get paid very little and have to
supplement their income with side jobs such as crafts,
food stands etc. Tourists are the main source of
income in these places and are considered fair game to
the locals from 'tour guides" to "drivers". Tourists
will pay because this is why they are here in the
first place, to have "fun". Now this is where the drug
laws come in the picture. Dope is very easy to obtail
in these tropical locations. Thialand, Vietnam, were
famous during the Vietnam war for its potent
marijuana. The word "bong" is a Vietnam word for
"water pipe". Many GIs came back from "Nam with a pot
habit and in some cases a heroin habit.
Everything grows in those places. They have three
crops of rice a year so you know pot grows very well
there as well. And it is widely available. So why the
death penalty for pot?
Money! Thats why! You see police do not get paid a lot
over there so they also have to supplement their
income and what better way then to give the pot
smokers a "break" and collect the fines in advance.
But unfortunatly the arrested pot smoker doesn't go
free like the old days, oh no he goes to court where
he pays both his lawyer and the proscutor more money
and then he is sentenced to prison where he has to pay
for meals, clothing, medical treatment, protection and
a place to sleep!. And then when he or she does
completed their sentence they have to pay to get out
of the country. You have to pay the guards not to put
handcuffs on you when you are beng deported so that
the airlines won't refuse to take you. Now if you are
refued on an airline they take you back to prison
where you might spend days, weeks and maybe years
before you are deported. My advise to any one is pay
the bribe when ever you can and get the hell out of
there.
I thought America's drug laws were bad.....hey they
are sweet compared to these other places but unless we
get rid of the Bush boys this is exactly where we are
headed. I kept a very low profile over there but I
kept my eyes open and the best advise I can give
anyone who is going over there is be generous with
your tips, don't bargin too hard with the locals. The
stuff costs pennies anyway and be polite and don't be
loud. And do not, I repeat do not buy drugs from
anyone especially in nightclubs. You will be busted
because the sellers also work with the police. No one
has ever heard of a "local dealer" being busted.
Remember the "snitch rule". When I was in jail the
snitches tried their best to get me to smoke dope!
Everytime I recieved an offer to smoke up I would be
drug tested a few hours later! Any way I have found
way better ways to get that buzz.....way better
ways....I'll tell you about them next time.....tc

Hello From Bangkok

We are in Bangkok at the moment awaiting a
flight back to LA. We have been in Ho Chi Mien City
formerly Siagon where we had the best time touring the
country and eating the delicious food. Then we spent a
few days in Thialand where we travelled on the river
boats and visited the King's Palaces but then we went
to Bali. As the plane was in it's final approace they
announced over the pa system that "drugs are illigal
and subjected to the death penalty!. When we
disembarked I could see the police with dogs searching
the luggage.
The Bali people are probably the kindest most gentle
people on this planet. They smile and look into your
eyes when they talk to you. The climate is warm and
gentle like the people. The roads are narrow and
filled with cars and scooters with entire families
riding one scooter travelling 50 miles an hour
practically touching the car next to it as they ride.
They all drive on the left side of the road opposite
to America. In fact every thing in Bali is opposite to
America.
So I could not believe the Bali's additude toward
drugs until I read a book about a guy who did 7 years
in a Thai Jail! The seriousness of the slightest drug
offence fuels corruption! People will spend money if
their lives are threatened. When a tourist is busted
by the police he or she will bribe their way out of
trouble if they are smart! And ther is no down side
for the authorities! You broke the law! Therefore you
deserve what ever happens to you! Now this is a
country where you see three people riding a scooter
with out helmets! Or a couple wearing helmets with a
little child riding in front without one. You slow
down when you go through green lights because so many
people ignore red lights! The scary thing about their
drug laws is the people who sell you the stuff are the
same ones who turn you in! So they get paid twice and
in some case get the drugs back to sell again. This
goes on in the States as well except they don't do the
death penalty.
I would advise anyone thinking of going to Bali to go
completely drug free. Don't even wear a pot leaf
t-shirt! Keep a low tourist profile and be generous
with the tips! They resent people who are stingy and
ignorant. And don't travel with anything drug related!
Leave all that stuff behind. Disguise yourself as a
tourist! Don't flash money around and remember who you
are. You are a fish! And these people are expert
fishermen!....tc